Before They Ever Say Yes

Most parents hope that if their child is ever offered something that could harm them, they will simply say no.

But I've learned to think about the question differently.

Long before my son is faced with a decision about drugs, alcohol, or another harmful substance, I want him to already know what he has said yes to.

Yes, I know who I am.

Yes, I know what I stand for.

Yes, I can tell my parents the truth.

Yes, I know I am loved.

Yes, my life has purpose.

For me, prevention starts long before the moment of temptation. It starts with identity, principle, and relationship.

Identity Before Influence

One thing I consistently tell my son is that he is a leader. He doesn't have to follow a crowd to belong. He can be the one who influences instead of being easily influenced.

Eventually, our children will enter rooms we cannot enter with them. We won't hear every conversation, meet every friend, or be present for every decision.

That's why I don't want my son's identity to depend on who's standing around him.

Before someone else tells him who he should be, I want him to already have an answer.

Principles Before Pressure

I also want him to understand the importance of integrity and honesty.

I've made it clear that I would rather hear an uncomfortable truth than a comfortable lie. I don't want fear of my reaction to become the reason he hides something from me.

That doesn't mean there won't be guidance or correction. There will be times when I need to advise him. There may also be times when my job isn't to immediately fix anything, it's simply to listen.

Because if I don't know what's happening within him, it's difficult to prepare him for what's happening around him.

I want home to remain a place where truth can be told.

Awareness Without Losing Innocence

This is an area I still wrestle with as a parent.

How much should I tell him?

I never want awareness to rob my son of his innocence. At the same time, I don't want innocence to become unpreparedness.

There is a difference between exposing our children to everything and preparing them for what they may eventually encounter.

My goal isn't for my son to experience everything the world has to offer. My goal is for him to recognize certain things when the world offers them.

That requires wisdom from us as parents. Every child is different. Their age, maturity, environment, and experiences matter. But avoiding difficult conversations doesn't necessarily protect our children. Sometimes it simply means someone else gets to introduce the subject first.

And I'd rather that foundation begin at home.

Preparing Them Before the Moment

Ultimately, I cannot make every decision for my son and I'm not supposed to.

My responsibility is to help build something within him that can travel with him when I'm not there: identity, wisdom, integrity, faith, confidence, and the ability to come home and tell the truth.

Will our children always make the right decision? Probably not.

Neither did we.

The goal isn't perfection. It's preparation.

If they stumble, I want them to know where to turn. If they're confused, I want them to know they can ask. If they're pressured, I want them to remember who they are.

And if the world presents them with something that could change the direction of their lives, I hope the conversation happening inside of them began long before that moment.

Sometimes the best way to prepare our children to say no is to make sure they already know what they've said yes to.

Roots to Grow On

Proverbs 4:23 - Guarding what shapes the heartProverbs 22:6 - Establishing a foundation early1 Corinthians 15:33 - Understanding the power of influenceEphesians 4:25 - Building relationships around truthJames 1:19 - Learning to listen before we speak

Next Month: The Conversation Before the Conversation - How do we prepare our children for what exists in the world without introducing them to too much, too soon?